"There comes a time for all of us when we must be more that what we are," Lloyd Alexander. This quotation comes from a children's book, and today, the last day of 2008, I see far more of a child in myself than seems right. I see many traits that I would not allow in my children, cultivated and grown in the garden of my heart. A new year is upon me, and in it, I see the need to become more than what I am.

I am one that complains. I find the worst in everything, and dwell on it. I am selfish. I do not love.

So, my prayer is that in this new year, I would, by the power and might of God's spirit in me, live differently. That I would replace complaint with thanksgiving, selfishness with grace, and that all things would be bathed in love...God's love.

And so, welcome 2009.

Tears no more

When one of my little ones has been crying, I just can't bear to leave a teardrop on their faces after they are done.  Whether it's quivering in an eyelash or a little tear trail shimmering on a cheek, I absolutely have to wipe them all away.  I'm more likely to leave cookie crumbs or jam stickiness on them than tears.

It seems like God, our father, feels the same way.  Perhaps that is why He has given us this compassionate compulsion for our children.  Perhaps it is His very heart of compassion in us.  Isn't it marvelous that we aren't going to be left to wipe our own tears away?  God's not going to toss us a hanky with our harp and have us play once we can see clearly again. He, Himself, with His very own scarred hand, will wipe our tears away.  And the promise that comes with that divine touch is one that we long for our whole lives: there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever.

And perhaps that is why I begin to think that I should look for those around me with tears in their eyes, those that are not my children, and seek to lovingly give them the help they need to have them wiped away...both here and in eternity.

Anger, love and first John

I was reading first John today, all about loving our brothers and sisters in Christ and if we don't love the people we see, we can't love God who we don't see...etc.  It really resonated with me.  I tend to be a bitter, angry person. I see the faults in people before I look for the good, and I often forget to love.

Then I went to church.  Down the stairs into the kids ministry I went, and wouldn't you know it, there were two kids that I just...dislike.  They are sulky and rude (to adults, I think), and don't play well with others.  Immediately upon being presented with my two little tots, they began displaying all of the traits that I find so unlovely...and immediately I began a little tirade against them (and truth be known, their parents) in my heart.  I don't need to fill you in on that part, because I'm sure that you've had a similar experience once or twice.

Anyhow, after a few minutes of trying to get everyone to play nicely and grumbling to myself in the meantime, the words of first John came into my mind: "A person who has no love is dead...We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us...dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions...dear friends let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God...since God loved us...we surely ought to love each other...If someone says "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God whom we cannot see?  And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters..." 

I looked up at the sticky little faces in front of me, little hands clutching a toy that one child did not want to share with another, teary little eyes, whining tirade already in progress, and gently putting a hand on each child's shoulder, I proceded to gently help them with as much of God's love as possible.

Coming home tonight I will spend a while before the throne, asking forgiveness of one who has never yet stopped loving me...for I am, sins and all, His beloved.